Women’s Open Forum: I Am The Other Woman

I AM THE OTHER WOMAN and in this, my 47th year, I’m taking back what’s rightfully mine. Gone are the days I will stare at the mirror and curse the aging female before me. Banished are the critical remarks directed toward the imperfect features and less-than-feminine physique. No longer will I flip through magazine pages and envy the starved, airbrushed bodies I see before me; the media-created ideals of what the ‘perfect woman’ should resemble. No more will I walk into a room full of men with my head down, unable to return their stares, ashamed of the disappointment I see in their eyes; their beer-bellied clueless eyes. I will no longer apologize for who I am. I WILL FLAUNT IT!

I now realize I am one of an army of females who are the other women. REAL women who do not measure their worth by their pant or dress size; an elite but massive group who do not succumb to panic when faced with wrinkles or lines on our face; but realize these are honors earned by life experiences. We are true women who accept their lines and scars as proof they were given a rare gift of life-bearer. We do not spend hours or hundreds of dollars on our hair, makeup and nails. Most of us don’t have nails long enough to require a manicure and we feel no less feminine because of it. We are valued, cherished members of this species called the human race even if we never fit the mold of what our society believes we should be.

 We treasure family and necklaces of noodles; we do not go crazy for jewelry or other baubles. We choose to appreciate the love poured into a colored picture of a cartoon character, painfully ripped from a coloring book and hanging on our refrigerator instead of flying to the Louvre to tilt our heads at the unexpectedly small painting of theMona Lisa. We appreciate fine art, but treasure exquisite love even more; especially when it comes from someone still in their first twelve years of school.

We do not expect extravagant gifts for romantic holidays, birthdays or anniversaries. We are thrilled beyond words when a meal is prepared for us, dishes are washed, floors are swept and we are able to embrace time of our own to pursue whatever it is that interests us.

We do not spend hours in the bathroom becoming ‘presentable’ to go grocery shopping or take the garbage out or run someone who missed the bus to school. We do not see this as a blatant disregard for our own upkeep, but rather a level of comfort with ourselves that some people never achieve. We do not care if the general public is impressed with our appearance or not.

We do not revel in watching television programs where beautiful women stab each other in the back in hopes of winning the affection of a wealthy man. We wonder why they never thought to acquire the wealth on their own and become the woman the MEN are chasing. We cringe while witnessing a woman use her physical attributes to get noticed, embarrassed for her that she doesn’t feel confident enough in her abilities to rely on talent or knowledge alone.

We shake our heads in disappointment when we hear of yet another female using a baby or child to hang on to a man. We know that the truly decent men don’t need to be ‘hung on’ to. Real women know relationships are about mutual love, respect, and support. We know true love has very little to do with worrying about getting what you want and need. A woman in a real loving relationship will never have to think about getting the support she needs, emotional or otherwise. She can be thinking of her husband and children or anything else she desires. This is not a chauvinistic belief, but one rooted in the knowledge that her true soul mate will be concerned about her happiness as well, so she need not be dwelling on her unmet needs. We realize no relationship nor person is perfect and if you want to expect perfection, you’d better BE perfection. We also recognize there are individual needs that no one can meet but us and we accept the challenge willingly.

We are the OTHER women. We like football, hockey, basketball, baseball and NASCAR, we cheer just as loud as the men do and get just as bummed when our team loses. We do not live for shopping. Some of us loathe shopping unless it’s a do-it-yourself store.

We love cars. Yes, you read that correctly, we LOVE cars. Some of us even have a passion for classic cars because we appreciate that nothing sounds as good as a 1968 Chevy 327 small block. We’ve torn down and rebuilt carburetors with our dad’s, brothers, uncles, grandfathers and spent more Saturdays covered in grease than most men and we love it.

We are women of many talents. We love to spend weekends baiting our OWN hooks and catching our own fish, then fillet, cook and eat our catch of the day.

We have strong bodies and defined musculature. We go to gyms, not just to walk and keep our girlish shape but to get strong and be proud of the body we possess. We endure the stares when we train with free weights and don’t mind sweat dripping from every part of us because we know it means we’re accomplishing what we came for. We hear thecomments questioning our sexuality when we are not women of small, delicate stature and we defy them with confidence that we are pushing our bodies to become all they are capable of. We are thrilled there are men who can love and accept a strong woman without their masculinity being threatened because we are proud of whom we are. We KNOW we’re sexy even when we don’t fit into the mold.

We do not NEED someone to open a door for us, or lift something heavy but we do appreciate when the gesture is made. We are not radicals, warring against men. We are not threatened by courtesy and manners, but rather, appreciative of their rarity. We are still charmed by an outstretched arm to escort us, tickled when surprisedwith flowers for no apparent reason and moved by honest emotion. We are atypical women, but the media doesn’t tell stories of us because we are not considered ‘normal’. We protest that we are more normal than those spattered across the television screen, magazines and billboards. We do not now, nor will we ever, strive to be a size 6. We by-passed size 14 in high school and have never looked back, despite the societal pressure to strive for anorexia.

We do not follow fashion. We don’t care if what we’re wearing is the latest look. We want to be comfortable. We want what we’re wearing to flatter us, but not dominate us. We want to wear the clothes, not let them wear us. The same holds true for hairstyles. We’re tired of stylists who attempt to talk us into the latest hairstyle when we know we look like hell with short/long hair.

There’s an old marketing strategy that says ‘consumers don’t know what they want so you have to tell them.” That ends with us. We know exactly what we want. We are proud women and we’ve been silent long enough. It’s our time to finally stand and be vocal about who we are.

We hear the cries of our daughters, granddaughters and sisters and stand bravely to face the firing squad of criticism on their behalf. We will no longer accept another’s judgment of what they feel we should be. We will resurrect the 70’s adage of “I am woman, hear me roar,” but we will distinguish that we are the OTHER women…the ones the media doesn’t speak of…until now.

Womens Open Forum

Submitted and written  by: Vicky Akins  

vickyakins@gmail.com

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